A LIFE OF ADVENTURE IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD THING
A MAN'S ATTEMPT AT A LIFE AFTER ADDICTION'S I will tell you a tale of woe,a tale of desires run wild.of poverty,of diease,of death.of sorrrow,of love and romance,a tale with violence(PG 14)sex,drugs and rock and roll.A tale of loss,of fanatics gains,in other words,a tale about life.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
HELLO,MY NAME IS DOUG,AND I AM A DRUG ADDICT AND ALCOHOLIC and I offer for your pleasure an article concerning my
TESTIMONY and my HEALTH
To life like to be real is one way to describe this picture of the ChurchKythonia in Hianaais Port,Isle of Crete and that describes the feeling I had when I opened my eyes one day a little over a year ago.
Somehow,even though I had experienced an almost total loss of short term memory,I some how knew that finally everything was okay.I can't begin to tell you what a sense of relief I was experiencing,I could not talk without extreme difficulty,every word was a if I were speaking for the very first time.Without even trying I knew that I could not walk,just lifting my head to look at the person who was talking to me was enough to physically exhaust me.A knew where I was,I knew what must have happened,even though I did not(and still do not)have any memory of the events that lead up to that moment.
Okay,lets back up a bit,just in case you are a first time reader and you have just entered on this page.
I'm a 49 year old drug addict,alcololic ex-con.I have been stabbed on eight different occasions,suffered two gunshot wounds.I have broken an approximate total of 30 different bones,some repeatedly over 10-15 different events.My left hip as been partially replaced and is held together with pins and screws.I suffer from Asthma and emepthasemia.I am fortunate,in that my best friend,PAIN is always with me,not the least of which is caused by Fibromalgia.I have in my travelings managed to contract Hepatitis C(at least I have the markers,antibodies showing up in my blood samples indicate that have been exposed,I suffer no symptoms,so to summarize,I am a one-eyed gimp!with a limp!oh yeah,almost forgot,my right ear drum was shattered so you can also say I'm a one-eyed-one ear gimp with a limp! lol no seriously LAUGH!!
I have spent almost seven years behind bars,and another twenty five years in Bars!!
I've been a forger,a thief(though always against the "nameless corporations")(as if that makes it okay,but I resisted stealing from individuals who I felt in just as much need as I)(I myself have been robbed so many times I lost track)a drug dealer and con man.
So I am waking up in the hospital,tubes running into and out of my body,breathing from an oxygen tube and I feel WONDERFUL,I really don't know how to describe it.EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE OKAY!!
My daughter who I had not seen for years was praying beside my bed.I first turned away in shame,I had glimpsed my arms,they were covered from wrist to elbow with hundreds of red inflamed "tracks"where I had been pumping morphine into my body I can't really tell you the exact conversation,in fact the next week was pretty touch and go,and I only remember highlights,such as swearing to my daughter that I would get clean,if she had not been there,I would absolutely positivity dead today.It was for her that I would try,but as I would very soon find out,it would be God that get the credit,for if I had not re- found our Lord I would not be here.
When my one and only son passed away at age of only 12 weeks,any faith I may have had was replaced by anger,if there was a God as the Bible spoke of Him,then he MURDERED MY SON!I was the sinner,why not take me?was I ,as I expected being punished?then if that was so,then I MURDERED MY SON!either way God was a Cruel and Vengeful Being that I wanted nothing to do with.
My reawakening to the Truth came suddenly,I have told you that I just had a wonderful feeling when I woke up on the hospital that everything was okay and I admit thoughts of God flashed in my mind,but I kept fighting Him,not letting him win over me,I was Master,not Him.
Weird things started occurrring,such as the person in the next bed to me having a Priest pray over him,nothing unusual in that,but the Priest was the same one who had ministered in my home town 35 years ago!Coincident right? of course it was.Then the next day a Chaplin shows up,telling me he had been sent by my daughter,nothing unusual there,besides from the fact that he was at one time a travelling minister who knew all my Childhood friends!Coincidence again,right?
Of course,except for the fact my daughters swear they did not send him! and none of my childhood friends remember him,even though he knew intimate details of their lives
Opiate withdrawal is a horrible thing,I will not go into it further.I kept asking to be released from hospital,even though I remained horribly weak and still needing oxygen,I was unable to eat,I could no longer even swallow the pills they were giving me,could not sip water(was getting everything by IV)
I wanted,I NEEDED a FIX!
After hanging up the phone(I had called a doctor at home trying to convince him I was okay to be released)and breaking into tears I shouted out FINE,YOU FUCKING CUNT, YOU WIN,I NEED YOU GOD!(please forgive language,but that is an exact quote)Sudden silence, the background noise from a busy hospital gone.Calm,pulse returns to normal,the readings from the monitors I'm hooked to all going into a regular rythme,I am thristy,I am STARVING!
drink deep from the water,I tear open a chocolate bar that was on my bedside end table.I gulp it down in two bites,I swing my feet over the side of the bed,and I WALK out to the nurses station and I tell them I AM GOING HOME and they can't stop me.
I phone my daughter and tell her I am being released(this is where she will find out about my little white lie!)so come pick me up.I am filled with love for her,my heart is glowing,my mind spinning.
Is it true?Did I just experience a miracle?There is no other word for it.By all rights I should have been dead in the first place,I have discovered since I first wrote about this,more on the discovery by police of my lifeless body laying on the floor of my basement hovel where I was (and am )living.
They had come with warrant in hand,a judge had just agreed to sign it after three days of considerations.There were three of them,and two argued against the third trying to resusitate me,nit from malious,but a sincere belief that I was dead .
Why did the judge decide at that moment?What drove that third officer?How did I go from helpless to walking in ONE SECOND?
Well,that is enough for today on this,I have left a lot unsaid,I still am not comfortable talking about my relationship with God,but I promise more to come.If addictions as had an effect on your life,I invite you to join my new support group,open to all http://ca.groups.yahoo.com/group/savedbymethadone/
I am extemely proud to annouce that we now have members from San Fransico to London,and all the way to Sinapore!
These include two Drug Consullors ,a nurse who works wth the METHODONE DRUG REHABILTION services,and members who have never been ADDICTS,but rely on Methodone for PAIN KILLERS,using addicts looking for guidance,wife,husbands,brothers and sisters of of adicts.
What I guess I'm trying to say is that the ADDICTS SUPPORT GROUP is working!

The comments from a "penpal",Meg,followed up by a letter,and in keeping with my daughters and others wishes,promoted me to regale you with more so,I invite you to read
the CONTINUING STORY of the ADVENTUREMAN!
http://adventureman.blogspot.com/
commencing August the 8th/2005 there will ba a new tale each and every week,until there is such an out cry for me t0 shut up I can no longer go on!! lol
I PROMISE TO WRITE ABOUT OTHER THINGS BESIDES DRUG ADDICTION and ALCOHOL DEPENDANCE!
IF YOU WISH TO NEVER TO MISS A STORY FROM THIS OLD DRUG ADDICT please send a reply to hdforbes@yahoo.ca with the word READ in the subject line,and you will be sent the URL to take you DIRECTLY to the story
At no time will your name and/or address be given to others
To read my Bio follow the links below,so until the next time.......................