Back by popular demand-more on Lisa

The storm clouds are closing around my heart again,but I am told that the tale I must end,of the ball game, I can not see why you don't know what happened,it plain to me!

When we last left our hero,he was fast approaching second base,but I can tell you,his mind was not on getting to home plate but to reaching at least third base,not of the ball field,but WITH the second baseman!

She was the most beautiful women I had ever seen,and the fact that she was still so desirable at her age only added to the appreciation I felt.The crowd was as I had said,screaming at me to RUN! so that I might bring the game to extra innings.Run! was the sound that my mind heard,but my heart heard STOP!

She later told me that she had known before the game had even started that it would end that way,for that is how it ended,sorry to disappoint anyone,but when I reached second base that day,I knew that it was where I was meant to be.

I have just sat here staring at the screen,with the tears pouring down my face for a good fifteen minutes and I can't stop,FUCK!! it not fair,its not fair its not fairrrrrrrr

It is now a good five hours later,by the clock on the wall I have gone past my self imposed dead line of midnight,my promise to have a new episode ready each Monday at 12:01 am.

I imagine a lot of you will read my little outbrust and think that I am just using it to gain an emotional responce from you, the reader.I can only give you my assurances that every word I print here is the absolute truth,if I say I was crying,I was.My swearing is unexcuseable,but I will not edit it out.I can not believe how FUCKING difficult this is,I LOVED HER SO MUCH,as I am sure you all have guessed She is gone now,taken from me just when I had turned my life around.How much different things might have been....but then then,if they had turned out differently,I would not be here today talking with you.

So,the ball game ends with me the goat instead of the hero.As was tradition,both teams retired to a neutral bar for a litle post game drinking.Normally I would be sitting with a large party,but that day,Lisa and I sat alone in the corner,the rest of the world was shut out.To us they did not exist.

Within fifteen minutes,we had decided to start living together,that very day,it was as if we both knew that there was no time to waste.Within the next fifteen minutes it was decided that I would chance careers,and within the hour I had found a real job.it must have been fate,for that was also the day I meet my present landlord.He hired me that day as a labour,he was renovating several homes. He was hesitate of hiring me,for he knew of my rep,but Lisa piped up and said,"I will vouch for him,he will never do you wrong,cause if he did,he would lose me! "

I was hired immediately.

Whether you be a cow or a countess,it takes nine months to make a baby,and it was nine months that I had with her.I was ,as I had said a drug dealer when we met,but within six weeks of knowing her I had totally cleaned up my act,I was not at that time addicted to drugs,I did however drink way to much.

I never totally quit drinking while with her,but it was reserved for pay day week-ends kind of thing.Paydays where something I was not used to having,not in the regular sense,everyday was a payday for a dealer.

I have always had a problem with money,when I have it,I spend it without thought for tomorrow,when,like now I do not even have enough to eat properly,it means little to me.I want for nothing,I am warm,I ate and my cat as been feed,tomorrow is another day,if my cheque is not here ( end of month/disability/welfare) I will go hungry tomorrow,no big deal ( I ALWAYS have enough cat food!).

I am going to end this narrative for now.it is to painful.I will tell you all a secret that no one,not even the coroner knows( knews? lol)

Lisa and I were in the mist of a very intense session of love making when suddenly she started to shake uncontrollably then jerked to a complete stop.She died they tell me painlessly and instantly.It was a brain hemorrhage.

I know this was a disappointing ending,I was wrong to think I could do justice to the story.I never even started to think about writing this until this afternoon.That is not fair to you,or to my craft.I will improve,you have my word on it.